Wes and I took a biblically based birthing class in which the instructor recommended for us to bring music that would encourage us during labor. Well, I never got around to updating my iPod and certainly didn't have it with me at the hospital. But I knew that my brother, (being the Jesus loving, music loving, sound guy that he is), would have some great music on his MP3 player. So, I asked him to bring it up to the hospital for me to use while the doctors prepared me for surgery. I'm 99.9% sure that's where I got this song from. I knew this song already, but I'm thinking it had to have been one of the songs that I listened to while waiting for my C-section. This song played over and over in my head during all of this and I mean, over and over for a good two months. It encouraged me and brought peace to me when I was an emotional wreck.
There were times I sincerely thought I had post-partum depression because I would cry so often and so hard. If you've ever mourned for a loved one, you know that kind of pain. I don't think I mentioned in on my blog before, but towards the end of Gregory's stay in the NICU, I got a staph infection. Because the hospital staff was concerned it might have been a MRSA, they forbade me from visiting the hospital. I didn't get to see Gregory for several days and it tore me up inside. More over, nobody wanted to touch me, for fear that they would get the infection and wouldn't be able to see Gregory either. I had to get the all clear from my doctor before I could see my son again and that appointment wasn't until December 26th... that's right, the day AFTER Christmas. I missed Gregory's first Christmas. While I knew it was a time of celebration, I couldn't help but feel an emptiness inside. I yearned to have him with me. Even when he came home, I was still rattled from the events and the thought of how things could've turned out differently. Through it all, I know that God used this song to speak to my heart.
Jesus, Lover Of My Soul (Passion)
It's all about You, Jesus
And all this is for You
For Your glory and your fame
It's not about me
As if You should do things my way
You alone are God
And I surrender to your ways
Jesus, lover of my soul
All consuming fire is in Your gaze
Jesus, I want you to know
I will follow you all my days
For no one else in history is like you
And history itself belongs to you
Alpha and Omega, You have loved me
And I will share eternity with You
4 comments:
Oh, Melissa. I had no idea you didn't get to see him on Christmas. I was crying just reading about it. It is so encouraging to see how you trusted God through such tough times. Now look at Gregory...probably the cutest little boy I know (well, at leat Evelyn thinks so!) =)
Aw, thanks, Karen (and Evelyn) :) Yeah, there aren't many things I'm not willing to talk about, but that was probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through and it wasn't easy to talk about at the time, which is why I didn't blog about it. As you can see, I'm much better now. :D
You sure know how to make a chick tear up. I remember how tough last year was for you.... and just look what a beautiful angel you are going to have covered in wrapping paper this year. He's such a miracle.(((hugs)))
I know, it's so crazy to think how much he's been through and how far he's come in one year. A miracle is definitely what he is! :)
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