In Need of Grace

I'm exhausted and not physically exhausted, I'd prefer to be that kind actually. I'm emotionally exhausted. I feel like a modern-day Job, you know, the man from the Bible that lost everything for a time.

This has been a year from hell. I feel as though every problem you could have, has been package in a big 'ol box and handed to me- bow and all. The Bible says you should "consider it joy" when you face trials (James 1:2). Right now I don't feel very joyful, right now I'm so tired of all this, I wish I could take a long nap and wake up when everything is back to normal.

I will admit that I have a propensity for drama. Having said that, I think I've been pretty tame in handling all of these very real problems. I feel like I've had to stifle my responses to everything that has happened. Why? For the sake of others, so I don't disturb the neighbors, so others won't worry about me, etc.

This is how I want to react...

I want to punch something until I can no longer clinch my fist...
I want to scream to the four winds until my voice gives out...
I want to run fast, long, and hard until my legs refuse to move a step further...
I want to cry until there are no more tears to fall...

And then...

I want my joy to return to me...
I want to smile every moment of everyday...
I want to laugh hard and loud...
I want to feel God's strength fill me up...

Wow, just writing this is making me feel better. I'm reminded of one of my favorite scriptures- it always brings me encouragement:

"Don't you know that the Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth? He never grows faint or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to those who are tired and worn out; he offers strength to the weak. Even youths will become exhausted, and young men will give up. But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint."

~Isaiah 40:28-31