A funny thing happened yesterday and well, today too. I got messages from two people that I thought were out of my life for very different reasons and neither of them know each other.
Last night, before I went to bed, I went to check my e-mail on my cell phone and realized I had a text message from a number I didn't recognize. I almost called the number, but realized it was late and I didn't want to wake the person. So instead, I scrolled through my cell phone directory and my personal phone book for a number that matched... nada. Nothing even remotely close to it. But I knew this message was meant for me, because of it's content. Anyway, I couldn't stand not knowing, so I googled the number... nada. Then I googled the area code and it was from another state and I immediately knew who it was from. Someone that I consider to no longer be a friend of mine for many reasons, but to put it shortly, we no longer share the same values. This person has tried contacting me numerous times and finally, about 8 months ago, I told her I had no desire to remain friends. I made it very clear- black and white so she wouldn't be confused. So why does she continue to make attempts to contact me? Frankly, it's a little creepy.
Then tonight, I was checking my e-mail again and I got one from someone I thought no longer wanted to talk to me. I think I have an idea why, and it's not personal but rather having to do with the bureaucracy within our husbands' unit. So, not wanting to be like the person I just mentioned above, I stopped making attempts to contact her. Anyway, her e-mail was very nice and apologetic. She said she "accidently deleted my number." Now, I hate to be cynical, but I just don't know if I believe that. I mean, I want to, but I don't know if I do and it's hard not to take it personally. Now, she wants to know some information about when our husbands return and that's fine. I understand her curiousity and I would want to know too. I did respond and I actually wouldn't mind being her friend.
I do believe it's necessary to forgive. My question is, when do you know when to forgive and then give someone a second chance? I think that you can forgive someone and not allow them to keep the same place in your life as they did before. Afterall, that's a privilege. I don't have to hate or despise you, but I also don't have to let you treat me like a rug. I've always had a problem with this. I've always forgiven and let go too quickly, too easily and wound up being the person with the gaping wound.
3 comments:
I think it's case by case. I'm naturally a grace-giving person; my typical inclination is to forgive, but over the years I've trained myself to block people out once they've hurt me. God's working in that area, but I have a long way to go.
It's a tough balance to find between offering genuine forgiveness and making it clear you won't be taken advantage of. I honestly don't know how to do it in a healthy way.
I have the opposite problem, and have had it since infancy!! If someone hurts me, I remember it for a long time, and I have a hard time forgiving them because I feel like forgiving them will open me up to be hurt again.
Rachel, I think you summed it up well when you said, "I honestly don't know how to do it in a healthy way." I ditto that.
It's nice to know that I'm not the only person out there that struggles with this.
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